A little while ago, someone asked me the question “How can I be the best version of myself? What skills and attitudes does it take?”

So I thought about it. During the times I feel I’ve reached for the best version of me, what qualities have I strived for? What kinds of attributes have I had? I came up with, in no particular order:

– Compassion. It might sound obvious, but compassion is the cornerstone for treating others with dignity and respect.

– Courage. When you’re in a situation where you don’t know the right thing to do, moving in the direction of greatest courage will generally steer you right. It’s hard to be the best version of yourself. Doing many of the things on this list means having the courage to act with integrity when it’s uncomfortable to do so. And speaking of which:

– Integrity. Everyone says integrity is good, but few people have it, because integrity means accepting responsibility for your actions (including your screwups and mistakes!) and being honest with those around you even when being honest means you don’t get what you want.

– Resilience. The world doesn’t always go your way, and that’s okay. Wake up every day believing that even if things don’t go the way you want them to, you can still find a way to be happy.

– Empathy. Other people are real. Like you, they are trying to muddle through this world as best they can. Being human is fundamentally baffling and terrifying, and we’re all trying in the face of uncertainty to get our needs met. Other people’s needs and experiences are just as valid as ours.

– Forgiveness. We are all born of frailty and error. It is incumbent in all of us to forgive reciprocally one another’s follies.

– Confidence. This life is ours to live. It is nearly impossible to be compassionate when we are frightened or insecure. The more we build confidence and self-esteem within ourselves, the more we become proof against life’s slings and arrows, and the easier it becomes to treat others with compassion.

– Kindness, both toward ourselves and others. The more we give other people the benefit of the doubt, the more we assume good intent unless proven otherwise, the easier everything else on this list becomes.

And finally:

– Compassion. Being the best version of yourself begins and ends with compassion.

What do you think? What traits, skills, or qualities make you the best possible version of yourself?


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3 Comments

Wes · December 15, 2014 at 2:08 pm

I would add “reason.” People tend not to include the train of being reasonable on lists like this, but I think it’s critically important. Do you know who had compassion, courage, integrity, resilience, empathy, forgiveness, confidence, and kindness? Travis and Wenona Rossiter:

Travis and Wenona Rossiter were arrested yesterday on charges of manslaughter because they allowed their 12-year-old daughter Syble to die of Type I diabetes this past February and a months-long investigation revealed that the parents withheld “necessary and adequate” medical attention from her.

These people were motivated only by the well-being of their child. The problem was that they held unreasonable beliefs. Compassion without reason is a nightmare, and reason should be included on any list of virtues.

Alan M · December 15, 2014 at 2:32 pm

Ditto to what Wes said. Or as Valentine Michael Smith put it in his “Garden of Gethsemane” speech to Jubal (1960), “Goodness is not enough, goodness is never enough… A hard, cold wisdom is necessary for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.” [1]

I’ve been bugging Joreth for some time to put her Skepticism and Polyamory presentation up on the web.

[1]
https://books.google.com/books?id=Kn1bNU91sAoC&pg=PA415&lpg=PA415&dq=stranger+%22goodness+is+not+enough,+goodness+is+never+enough%22&source=bl&ots=mk8RQVQMrn&sig=cOLmPNeMLE_edxm6WNteL2qYJhE&hl=en&sa=X&ei=CWCPVOvQKIa0ogTfk4LoDg&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=stranger%20%22goodness%20is%20not%20enough%2C%20goodness%20is%20never%20enough%22&f=false

Joreth · December 15, 2014 at 7:06 pm

I’m working on it! I promise! It’s actually almost done and only my constant moving has kept me from finishing it, but I expect it to be up within the next couple of months!

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