Many years ago, a lover’s poodle had a litter of puppies. It turns out that puppies are quite a lot of work; there were seven in the litter, so they required quite a lot of care from us as well as from the mama poodle. One evening, when we were feeding puppies, she was making fun of me. Every time I took a puppy into my lap, I said, “You know, I think this one might be my favorite.” And meant it.
When they were young, before they had new homes, we referred to them by colors. We debated naming them after computer programming languages (“Here, Java! C’mere, Perl! Good boy, Python!”), but my sweetie made the point that we didn’t want to give them names that might unduly influence whoever adopts them.
And they were all my favorite puppy.
Purple is absolutely my favorite of the whole bunch of them. She is lovely; we’ve informally started referring to her as “sweet face,” because she has such a nice face. She’s affectionate and loving, nuzzling into you when you hold her. She gazes soulfully into your eyes when you feed her. For the first couple of weeks, she would sing herself to sleep after she ate.
My real favorite, though, is Blue. He’s the largest of the bunch, a gentle giant who is gregarious and outgoing. He responds strongly to people, coming over with his tail wagging whenever anyone walks near. He’s filled with energy and enthusiasm, and joy just radiates out of him.
But my favorite out of all of them would have to be Yellow. He is by far the most playful of the bunch. He enjoys rolling the ball around his pen, which is incredibly cute, and he likes playing with his imaginary friend, which is even more cute. He’s smart and companionable and loves wrestling with people.
When it comes to my favorite puppy of the litter, though, that would have to be Pink. She’s quiet and sweet-tempered, a cuddly and affectionate little girl who loves reaching up to kiss your nose. She is absolutely heart-melting in her trusting devotion to the people around her.
Though, to be honest, I think my favorite might be Green. He’s smart, strong-willed, and opinionated. He bounds around the pen wrestling with his brothers and sisters, and any human who will show him attention—“C’mon! I can take you! Let’s go! Arooorooroo! Isn’t this FUN?”
My favorite puppy would doubtless be Red. She is mercurial, one minute playful and the next minute snuggly. She also loves to gaze into your eyes while she eats, and her favorite thing in the world is to fall asleep with her head on your arm. She’s a master of the game “I’ve Got Your Nose,” which she plays with Blue, Green, Yellow, and any person who gets close enough.
And finally, I’ve saved my favorite puppy for last. Orange is sweet-tempered and loving; she bonds easily with people, to the point that she often prefers scritches and snuggles to food. Ever since the day she was born, one of her favoritest of all things is to snuggle into the crook of your neck and fall asleep there, making contented little noises the whole time.
A World of Abundance
This is the joy of a polyamorous life: there's no need to pick just one. The world is filled with joy and wonder. And recognizing that means not only a more joyous life, but a life more free of anxiety.
Many people feel threatened if a lover meets someone who is in some way ‘better,’ whatever that means. It’s as if there can be only one ‘best’ person, only one favorite, so if your lover meets someone better than you, it’s all over for you. And frankly, that sounds like a terrifying, exhausting way to live.
It also leads to what sociologists and behaviorists call “mate-guarding behavior.” Mate-guarding is anything aimed at preventing your lover from meeting, engaging with, or interacting with other members of their preferred sex, out of fear that if they meet someone better than you, they’ll leave you. This can be anything from demanding that your lover account for their whereabouts at all times to insisting they drop friendships with other men or other women—both of which, for the record, are abusive.
When you understand that you can have more than one favorite, and the qualities you adore in one person don’t mean you adore another any less, there are whole worlds of anxiety that just cease to bother you.