An email from 2001, quoted with permission:

I grew up as someone who -never- got jealous, and didn't "get" jealousy. To my dismay, I've found through experience that certain types of problems in a relationship are breeding grounds for jealousy. Not being sexual often enough, or always having to initiate, or being turned down a lot, are what creates that for me.

Compersion (happiness at your partner's happiness with other folks, roughly) is a lovely thing, but (in my experience it rarely happens when you aren't feeling happy and satisfied with your own relationship with your partner, especially about sex.

Things that help:



Barring that, which is awfully hard:



Good luck with it!


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