{"id":899,"date":"2013-08-27T19:33:13","date_gmt":"2013-08-28T02:33:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/?p=188"},"modified":"2015-11-20T14:32:55","modified_gmt":"2015-11-20T22:32:55","slug":"round-peg-meet-square-hole","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2013\/08\/round-peg-meet-square-hole","title":{"rendered":"Round peg, meet square hole"},"content":{"rendered":"[et_pb_section admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; background_layout=&#8221;light&#8221; text_orientation=&#8221;left&#8221; text_font_size=&#8221;14&#8243; use_border_color=&#8221;off&#8221; border_color=&#8221;#ffffff&#8221; border_style=&#8221;solid&#8221;]\n<p>Polyamory writer and activist&nbsp;Louisa Leontiades has published a piece on the Huffington Post called <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.co.uk\/louisa-leontiades\/the-hell-of-monogamy-_b_3814251.html\" target=\"_blank\">The Hell of Monogamy<\/a>. In it, she describes her own experiences trying to force herself to fit a model of relationship that wasn&#8217;t a good match for her.<\/p>\n<p>This essay got me thinking about my own past, and how it is I have never faced trying to squeeze into a monogamous relationship. I&#8217;ve known for as long as I can remember that monogamy didn&#8217;t feel natural to me, and I&#8217;ve never been in a monogamous relationship. Somehow, I managed to wriggle away from the social expectations of conventional relationships, so I&#8217;ve never had the experience of ending up trapped in a relationship straitjacket that didn&#8217;t fit.<\/p>\n<p>Part of that might be down to awesome parenting. I was blessed with a mother who recognized early on that I was an unconventional child, and who encouraged me to explore the things that made me happy.<\/p>\n<p>And part of it,&nbsp;paradoxically, might be the fact that I was privileged by a childhood spent growing up alienated and alone in rural Nebraska.<\/p>\n<p>When I was young, we lived in the rural Midwest. I spent my formative years about five miles outside a tiny town called Venango, Nebraska, that was (and is) little more than a small collection of grain elevators on a strategic road near the Colorado border. My middle-school class had eight people in it, which was the largest class the school had seen in many years; the class one grade behind me had one student. (I traveled through Venango when I moved out to Portland, and I learned that the school had closed down more than fifteen years ago for lack of students.)<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_189\" style=\"width: 460px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/venangostreet03.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-189\" class=\"    wp-image-189\" src=\"http:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/venangostreet03-300x120.jpg\" alt=\"The road I grew up on. The clump of trees to the right hides the house where I lived.\" width=\"450\" height=\"180\"><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-189\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">The road I grew up on. The clump of trees to the right hides the house where I lived.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Needless to say, I fit in with my classmates like a rabbit in a cage of wolverines. The kids around me were interested in cars and football; I spent my time building model rockets. (Did you know that for less than a hundred bucks, you can build a rocket that&#8217;s supersonic before it&#8217;s five feet off the ground? Isn&#8217;t that <em>cool?<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>I would never have guessed it then, but growing up in such a profoundly alienating environment equipped me with a solid foundation of don&#8217;t-give-a-damn that has served me well later in life. I never fit in as a kid, so I never felt the need to fit in as a teenager or an adult. I didn&#8217;t value the same things my fellow middle-school students did, so I never felt compelled to value the same things as the people around me as a teenager or an adult.<\/p>\n<p>For that, I am immeasurably grateful. With all the things I&#8217;ve experienced, I&#8217;ve never been through the hell of trying to squash myself down into a box that wasn&#8217;t the right shape for me.<\/p>\n<p>My website on polyamory and this book are important to me. They contain a lot of lessons that have been hard in the learning; when I first started writing about polyamory, I wanted to write the things I wish my younger self had known.<\/p>\n<p>More than that, I would like to reach people who still feel alienated&#8211;people who are trying to squash themselves into boxes that don&#8217;t fit them. In a perfect world, that is a hell nobody would have to face.<\/p>\n<p><em><br \/>\n<em style=\"color: #666666;\">Like what you&#8217;re reading on the More Than Two blog? Buy the book now at&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/ReG10R\" target=\"_blank\">Amazon<\/a>&nbsp;or&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/Vxd8OK\" target=\"_blank\">Powell&#8217;s<\/a>.<\/em><span style=\"color: #666666;\">&nbsp;<\/span><br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Polyamory writer and activist Louisa Leontiades has published a piece on the Huffington Post called The Hell of Monogamy. In it, she describes her own experiences trying to force herself to fit a model of relationship that wasn&#8217;t a good match for her.<\/p>\n<p>This essay got me thinking about my own past, and how it is I have never faced trying to squeeze into a monogamous relationship. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[32,35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-899","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-polyamory-2","category-the-authors"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Round peg, meet square hole - More Than Two\u2122<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2013\/08\/round-peg-meet-square-hole\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Round peg, meet square hole - More Than Two\u2122\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Polyamory writer and activist Louisa Leontiades has published a piece on the Huffington Post called The Hell of Monogamy. 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