{"id":3579,"date":"2026-05-04T13:30:02","date_gmt":"2026-05-04T20:30:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/?p=3579"},"modified":"2026-05-04T13:30:05","modified_gmt":"2026-05-04T20:30:05","slug":"how-to-express-a-fetish-without-being-weird","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2026\/05\/how-to-express-a-fetish-without-being-weird","title":{"rendered":"How to Express A Fetish (Without Being Weird)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Say you have a fetish, something that really does it for you. For example, say you quite like sniffing panties or something. Whatever. And say you have a new lover. What are the odds you can tell your new lover about this thing of yours, whatever it might be, without causing them to run screaming for the hills?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Image: Huha on Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay, so here\u2019s the thing: Sex is largely a matter of basic social skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Springing a fetish on a new lover out of the blue is, generally speaking, not good social skills. Not using good social skills in sexual situations is, generally speaking, a recipe for disappointment. Now, yes, there are exceptions, but as a general rule, keeping your fetish under wraps until you blurt it out to a new person in your bed doesn’t generally lead to outstanding outcomes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem is, some folks will, upon doing this and chasing the person who was in their bed right out of it, assume the problem was revealing their special kink, and keep it under wraps even more. Or worse yet, internalize shame and embarrassment about their kink, and so try to repress it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A lot of people, particularly men, who have unusual kinks or fetishes tend to make two mistakes when they try to express their fetishes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. They hit prospective lovers with their fetishes out of the blue, often in a way that makes things kinda weird; and<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. They make it all about \u201cme me me this is what I want me me me\u201d without making their lover part of the equation.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Like, okay, let\u2019s use the panty-sniffing example. This is a common fetish, it\u2019s harmless, and there are a lot of women who dig it or at least are neutral about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    To start with the second problem on the list, where a lot of men screw up (and just for the record, women can do this too, but for whatever reason, at least anecdotally, this seems more common in men than women) is making their fetish all about themselves while forgetting that sex is supposed to be a collaborative enterprise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Like, I mean, okay, you\u2019re a dude who gets hot sniffing panties. Cool! Nothing wrong with that, fill yer boots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    But then you\u2019re all like \u201ccan I sniff your panties\u201d and she\u2019s like \u201cokay, sure\u201d and then you\u2019re standing there with your face in her panties and you\u2019re having the time of your life and meanwhile she\u2019s standing there without her panties like \u201cI\u2019m right here, so, okay, when are we going to get to the part that involves me, instead of me just standing here like a dumbass?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Sex is a collaboration<\/em>. Don\u2019t get so into your thing, whatever it is, that you leave your lover behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    And just to be clear, people can do this even with fetishes that seem like they involve two people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Like, there are a lot of dudes who are really, really into going down on women. They really like planting their face between a woman\u2019s legs. This should be an easy win for the woman, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Except no it isn\u2019t, because they\u2019re so into it they\u2019re doing it for their benefit and not hers, so they really don\u2019t focus on making the experience a good one for her. They\u2019re too self-absorbed to pay attention to, you know, what she likes about it. They\u2019re so into eating pussy they forget the woman attached to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    So that\u2019s the bigger problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The lesser, but still significant, problem is the men who don\u2019t have enough social skills to be open about their tastes and interests without being pushy about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For instance, I really enjoy fisting. I\u2019ve fisted most of my lovers. I\u2019ve been several women\u2019s introduction to fisting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    But I don\u2019t spring it on people out of the blue after we\u2019ve started a date. If you are on a date with me, you almost certainly already know this is something I enjoy. I am quite open about my kinks and interests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    At the same time, you also know it\u2019s not something I have to have. You\u2019re not into it? Cool! Well do something else. I\u2019m not going to spring it on you and then whine if it\u2019s not your jam. Whatever it is you are into, there\u2019s a pretty good chance I can make it work for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    So back to the question. If you\u2019re getting hot and heavy with someone, and you have a thing that\u2019s really your jam, what happens when you tell the person you\u2019re with about your thing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Well, that depends. Are you open about your interests, preferably before your clothes come off, in a way that invites her along? Do you make it something the two of you share instead of something you\u2019re so into that you forget there\u2019s another person standing there? (To go back to panty sniffing, this is actually pretty easy. Go down on her while she\u2019s still wearing them. Boom!) Are you okay if she\u2019s not down with your jam, or if this is something you really need to have, are you open about it and do you use this as part of your selection criteria?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If you can answer these questions affirmatively, then yeah, your lover is almost certain to say yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If you get with someone and things are getting hot and heavy, then you spring your special interest on her without warning, but you do it in a way that\u2019s respectful of the fact that there\u2019s another actual person in this equation whose experience is important to you? Then you\u2019re rolling the dice. Maybe yes, maybe no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If you get with someone and things are getting hot and heavy, then you spring your special interest on her without warning in a kind of hamfisted way that makes it clear this is all about you, and this other human being standing in front of you is basically just a meat conduit for your fetish? Magic 8-Ball says, outlook not so good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    These aren\u2019t \u201dsex things.\u201d These are social skills things. A key part of basic social skills is simply engagement with other people. They\u2019re not fetish props or non-player characters, they\u2019re people, just as real as you are, and their experience matters just as much as yours. How do you avoid disappointment in sex? Remember that sex is a collaboration, and bring the other person along for the ride.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Say you have a fetish, something that really does it for you. For example, say you quite like sniffing panties or something. Whatever. And say you have a new lover. What are the odds you can tell your new lover about this thing of yours, whatever it might be, without […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[66,31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-ethics-2"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Express A Fetish (Without Being Weird) - More Than Two\u2122<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2026\/05\/how-to-express-a-fetish-without-being-weird\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Express A Fetish (Without Being Weird) - More Than Two\u2122\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Say you have a fetish, something that really does it for you. 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