{"id":3398,"date":"2024-01-07T14:35:01","date_gmt":"2024-01-07T22:35:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/?p=3398"},"modified":"2024-01-07T14:35:04","modified_gmt":"2024-01-07T22:35:04","slug":"how-do-you-make-time-for-multiple-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2024\/01\/how-do-you-make-time-for-multiple-relationships","title":{"rendered":"How do you make time for multiple relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[Note: This essay originally started out as an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.quora.com\/How-do-people-with-multiple-partners-at-the-same-time-find-the-time-and-energy-to-keep-the-relationships-going\/answer\/Franklin-Veaux\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">answer on Quora<\/a>.]\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3399\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash-360x240.jpg 360w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/time-brooke-campbell-unsplash.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Image: <a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/@bcampbell\">Brooke Campbell<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the enduring evergreen questions I hear time after time about polyamory is \u201chow on earth do polyamorous people find the time and energy for multiple relationships?\u201d And when I hear it, for a long time I\u2019ve had to suppress a little voice inside saying \u201cWait, what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why would it necessarily require more time and energy than monogamy. I mean, monogamous people presumably have multiple relationships too\u2014friends, family, gaming groups, co-workers\u2014they simply aren\u2019t romantic and\/or sexual relationships. So surely people are already familiar with making the time to maintain multiple relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why would you have time and attention to maintain many relationships that aren\u2019t romantic, but be unable to understand how you do the same thing with romantic relationships? I mean, you already know how to manage multiple relationships, right? Just\u2026do the same thing with your romantic relationships!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I\u2019d get blank looks when I said that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The \u201caha\u201d moment came when I started to understand that, at least from the outside, it seems as if many monogamous people treat \u201clife\u201d and \u201cromantic relationships\u201d as two separate things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You have the stuff you do in your life, and you have to carve out holes in your life-stuff to do relationship-stuff. Like, if you have 18 hours a day dedicated to life-stuff, that only gives you six hours left for relationship-stuff. If you have two partners, that\u2019s only three for each of them! If you have three partners, there\u2019s only two hours a day you can carve out of your life for each of them!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The polyamorous people I know don\u2019t do that compartmentalization. They\u2019re much more likely to integrate life with relationships. You don\u2019t need to carve time out of your life to have a relationship, you can involve your romantic partners multidimensionally in your life!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, I am a writer. It\u2019s what I do for a living. Two of my lovers are also co-authors. When we write together,&nbsp;<em>that\u2019s also relationship time.&nbsp;<\/em>(I once described the first three Passionate Pantheon novels Eunice and I wrote together as \u201ca 380,000-word love letter.\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you read that and assume it must mean \u201cpoly people don\u2019t have real relationships,\u201d that\u2019s exactly the kind of separation of life and romantic relationships I\u2019m talking about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The other secret is that when you\u2019re polyamorous, you don\u2019t necessarily have to spend your \u201crelationship time\u201d one on one with your romantic partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, I love to travel. But rather than taking four vacations a year, traveling separately with each of them, we all took one vacation together to Barcelona last year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Any healthy relationship may need&nbsp;<em>some<\/em>&nbsp;one on one time, of course; my point is that not all relationships&nbsp;<em>require<\/em>&nbsp;one on one time all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you see that and say \u201cno, absolutely not, I want my relationship time alone with my lover,\u201d that\u2019s okay\u2014it might simply mean you\u2019re monogamous, that\u2019s all. (And it might not, of course.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Point is, if you start with the assumption buried deep inside you\u2014-an assumption you might not even consciously be aware of\u2014that romantic relationships must exist in a space separate from the rest of your life, and must always be one on one\u2014it might be easy to look at someone with multiple relationships and say \u201chow on earth do you have the time and energy for that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The answer is, that\u2019s not how polyamorous folks see relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[Note: This essay originally started out as an answer on Quora.] Image: Brooke Campbell One of the enduring evergreen questions I hear time after time about polyamory is \u201chow on earth do polyamorous people find the time and energy for multiple relationships?\u201d And when I hear it, for a long [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How do you make time for multiple relationships? 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