{"id":3223,"date":"2022-08-25T10:10:46","date_gmt":"2022-08-25T17:10:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/?p=3223"},"modified":"2023-09-01T16:48:18","modified_gmt":"2023-09-01T23:48:18","slug":"statement-on-polyday-cancellation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2022\/08\/statement-on-polyday-cancellation","title":{"rendered":"Statement on PolyDay cancellation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>There\u2019s a polyamory conference in London. It\u2019s called PolyDay, it was founded in 2004, it\u2019s non-profit, and it became one of Britain\u2019s most popular and successful poly events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>PolyDay 2020 and 2021 were canceled due to Covid. In 2021, a woman who runs a site called \u201cPolyPages\u201d announced that since PolyDay hadn\u2019t hosted an event in 2020 or 2021, she was going to take it over and turn it into a for-profit venture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The PolyDay volunteers pushed back. She declared she would do it despite their objections. They informed her that the name PolyDay and its graphics and so forth were protected by British trademark law. She renamed her for-profit event \u201cPolyamory Day,\u201d but advertised it online using the PolyDay hashtag.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She also started releasing videos on TikTok slandering the PolyDay volunteers, making false claims about them (including that they were racist against Polynesian people because they called their event&nbsp;<strong>Poly<\/strong>Day, even though she herself calls her site&nbsp;<strong>Poly<\/strong>Pages\u2014yes, seriously).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In these videos, this individual falsely claimed that I am involved with PolyDay (hint, I\u2019m not), that I \u201csponsor\u201d PolyDay (huh\u2014?), and that I profit from PolyDay (um, not only am I not involved with PolyDay, nobody profits from it, it\u2019s a non-profit organization).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result, the Internet masses started a campaign of threats, harassment, bullying, and intimidation aimed at presenters who were scheduled to speak at this year\u2019s PolyDay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For the record:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I\u2019m not involved in PolyDay.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I have nothing to do with PolyDay.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sending threats to speakers at a conference because you don\u2019t like some random guy who isn\u2019t involved in the conference&nbsp;<strong>makes you a bully<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result of repeated threats against PolyDay and its speakers, the conference organizers have chosen to cancel the conference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The PolyDay organizers have&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/polydaylondon.uk\/2022\/?page_id=248\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">released a statement here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/accountabilityinpolyamory.com\/statement-on-polyday.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">released a statement here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>It breaks my heart to see that this, apparently, is what the modern polyamory community has become: a community of people who thinks it&#8217;s okay to send threatening emails to people completely unconnected with me over things I&#8217;ve supposedly done they haven&#8217;t fact-checked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;m not quite sure how we got here. In what way is it acceptable to threaten people, many of them POC or members of other minority groups? How does doing that make someone feel righteous?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you sit down at your computer to type a threatening email to someone you&#8217;ve never met because you&#8217;ve heard a rumor on TikTok that person might be speaking at a conference put on by other strangers who you&#8217;ve heard a rumor might be connected to someone you\u2019ve been told to think is a bad guy, perhaps it&#8217;s time to ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"512\" height=\"364\" src=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3224\" title=\"Insert picture description\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies.jpg 512w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies-300x213.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies-400x284.jpg 400w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies-510x364.jpg 510w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/arewethebaddies-480x341.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 512px) 100vw, 512px\" \/><\/a><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Yes.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Sometimes, it&#8217;s easier to gain status by taking other people&#8217;s work than by doing the work yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact, there&#8217;s an essay about this,&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/astralcodexten.substack.com\/p\/a-cyclic-theory-of-subcultures\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>A Cyclic Theory Of Subcultures<\/strong><\/a>, that makes the argument that when any subculture reaches a certain size, it becomes easier to gain status, kudos, and power by attacking people who already have it than by doing the work to get it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>In growth-phase subculture &#8211; let\u2019s say one that doubles in size every six months &#8211; your status is always improving. And not just because you\u2019re growing older and more experienced, but also because your projects are paying off. Suppose there\u2019s a new art movement of three people. One of them draws the paintings, one writes the manifesto, and one hosts the art shows Ten years later, when the movement has ten thousand people, the first person is a famous pioneering painter, the second person is a public intellectual with a best-selling book, and the third person owns a chain of galleries. [&#8230;]\n\n\n\n[Later] a talented status-hungry young person who joins the movement is likely to expect status but not get it. The frontier is closed; there\u2019s no virgin territory to go homesteading in. The only source of status is to seize someone else\u2019s &#8211; ie to start a fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes these fights are object-level: the movement\u2019s art is ugly, its intellectual arguments are false, its politics are unjust. But along with the object level disagreements, there are always accusations that accurately reflect status-famine, ones like \u201cthe leaders of this movement are insular and undemocratic\u201d or \u201cthe elites don\u2019t listen to criticism\u201d. These accusations may or may not be true. But during the Growth phase, nobody makes them, even when they are true; during the Involution phase, people always make them, even when they aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>I think that\u2019s happening here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve said many times at conferences and book events it will be the people just coming into the scene now, the people who\u2019ve grown up always knowing that polyamory was one choice among many and always having a community to turn to if they didn&#8217;t want monogamy, who will show us what the polyamory movement is really made of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m profoundly disappointed by what I see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As soon as you sit down at your computer to type threats to people you don\u2019t know, yes. Yes, you\u2019re the baddie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"839\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-839x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3227\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-839x1024.jpg 839w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-246x300.jpg 246w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-768x937.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-980x1196.jpg 980w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small-480x586.jpg 480w, https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/stopbullying-small.jpg 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 839px) 100vw, 839px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s a polyamory conference in London. It\u2019s called PolyDay, it was founded in 2004, it\u2019s non-profit, and it became one of Britain\u2019s most popular and successful poly events. PolyDay 2020 and 2021 were canceled due to Covid. In 2021, a woman who runs a site called \u201cPolyPages\u201d announced that since [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[31,35],"tags":[82,135,134,12,136,133],"class_list":["post-3223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ethics-2","category-the-authors","tag-abuse","tag-activism","tag-fail","tag-polyamory","tag-society","tag-suck"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Statement on PolyDay cancellation - More Than Two\u2122<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"PolyDay London has been canceled due to the actions of online bullies acting on behalf of my abusive ex. This is my statement.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.morethantwo.com\/blog\/2022\/08\/statement-on-polyday-cancellation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Statement on PolyDay cancellation - More Than Two\u2122\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"PolyDay London has been canceled due to the actions of online bullies acting on behalf of my abusive ex. 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